Monday, 24 September 2018

How to BE YOU

I'm going to be honest here, (because we all love a bit of honesty, right?) I lived the majority of my life trying to please other people, changing myself or acting in a certain way so that people would like me. Going through life with a constant fear of being judged. 

I think many of us have lived like this at some point, right?




For me, it started in secondary school. Peer pressure, silly teenage comments, that whole 'wanting to be liked' feeling. And it continued through most of my life...

They're going to judge me for my unbranded trainers...
They're going to judge me for my obsession with that boy band...
They're going to judge me for having a child at 20...
They're going to judge me for that selfie...
They're going to judge me for shopping at Primark...
They're going to judge me for being a blogger...
They're going to judge me for becoming a single Mum of two children by two different fathers...
They're going to judge me for being in network marketing to earn some extra money for my kids...

I met someone last year who had a huge, positive impact on my life. They taught me to change my mindset about things that had happened in my past, they taught me to live my life free from fear and judgement. Yet THEY were constantly judging ME; picking apart everything I did and said, everything I posted on social media, talking down to me, treating me with disrespect and generally making me question myself a lot. I changed myself; I acted in a way I felt I should, I stopped doing things I enjoyed doing, I found myself analysing every social media post before I hit send.
But ironically, this person had also taught me to become more secure in myself, to put every negative experience down as a lesson and to look at what these lessons meant. It made me work even harder on myself, to live a life without caring about other people's opinions. Even theirs.





Not so long ago, someone on my Facebook put up a status saying, 'Some girls watch Love Island, some girls read books...' which was one of many judgemental posts they were putting up whilst the reality TV show was being broadcast. I was quick to reply that 'Maybe, some girls do both...
I no longer allow other people to judge my lifestyle choices, I am secure within myself. I am happy with the person I am. 

I'm a good person. I'm there for my friends. I empower people on a daily basis. I work hard for my boys. I work hard on my business. I work hard on my mindset. I'm really into personal development; I love learning about positive psychology, I love reading books, articles, listening to podcasts and audiobooks. I have a bit of a spiritual side; I'm into crystal healing, moon energy and trusting the process of the Universe. I get a buzz meeting my favourite celebrities. I live for road trips with my friends. I love a few cocktails. And I also love watching reality TV shows, it's my guilty pleasure, my chance to almost 'switch my mind off'. I love people watching, learning about other people's lives and I find the social experiment behind a lot of reality TV really interesting! 

In the words of a song from one of my favourite films... THIS IS ME!

Fortunately, I don't feel the need to justify the way I live my life or change myself anymore because I'm comfortable within myself and other peoples opinions don't matter.

Our true selves are who we really are behind closed doors when we let go of all the labels, stories and judgements we have placed upon ourselves or have allowed others to. It is who we are without the mask. And believe me, life is SO much better when you take that mask off and just BE YOU!





Are you guilty of 'faking' your way through life? 
Do you believe that if you allow people to get to know the real you that they won't like you? 
Do you think that if people knew what you really thought about something, that they'd lose respect for you?

Put Yourself First

You don't need to be accepted by others, you need to accept yourself.

Allowing someone else's opinion of you to cloud your own perception of yourself gives them power in your life. STOP! Only you get to have the power. You know yourself best and if you are happy with the person that you are, stop allowing others judgement to take priority. 
People will always have an opinion, and of course, they're entitled to it. Trust yourself. Working on your own self-esteem and confidence is the first step. Work on the areas of yourself that YOU want to change or are not happy with and move past the fear of being judged. 


Big Up Your Damn Self

Now I'm not saying bring out an arrogant, 'I'm better than everyone else' kinda self, (because that ain't pretty!) but recognise what you are good at, own your good qualities. As well as know your vulnerabilities too. 

When you become fully aware of your positive and negative points, other people's impressions will become irrelevant. 

But it's not easy, especially if you've always lived a life in fear of being judged, and don't' put pressure on yourself to change overnight. Be kind to yourself. Set yourself a goal to take off the mask and be more authentic. I promise you, it'll change EVERYTHING!!


If you want to post that selfie, post it. If you want to read that book, read it. If you want to watch that programme, watch it. If you want to wear those clothes, wear them. 





Be you. Do you. For you.





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28 comments

  1. This resonates a lot with me today x

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  2. Yes to this! Personally I've found it easier with age, but there's no doubt that pressures from others impact on my life. x

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    1. I think age is definitely a factor. I'm very different in my 30s to the way I felt in my 20s

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  3. Oh I love this post - you are so right. It is hard at times, but so important to remember, thank you. Kaz

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  4. It can be so hard to just be yourself and not worry about others judging. I met someone a few years back who has really helped me embrace that and I'm much better than I used to be x

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    1. It can be difficult. Its important to work on yourself, because life is so much easier when you're free from judgment :)

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  5. I am definitely guilty of this. I often worry about upsetting someone and so don't really express myself or my opinions very much! I am definitely going to try and take on board some of these great tips!

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  6. I love this but growing up being bullied I developed a self deprecating humour and now it is such a habit I find bigging myself up really hard

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  7. Being yourself is so important, hiding your true self helps you to be happier :) x

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  8. Just be you, what so ever anyone says show the real you is really important in today's fast changing world!

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  9. Great post! The best way forward is to just be 100% yourself and don’t change for anyone!

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  10. This is a brilliant post! I reached the point of just being myself no matter what people think a few years ago. It's so freeing not worrying about what someone might think or trying to make yourself fit in.

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  11. Yes! Love this post, it was only once I turned 30 that I really started to be myself x

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  12. This is great and I definitely agree, it's really important to stand true to your won values and steer clear of judgemental people.

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  13. I think that everyone either goes through s phase or falls victim time to time of living their lives for other people. And it's a stupid game. I think I've been quite fortunate to have passed through it at a young age and now live my best life for me (even to my mum's dismay).

    I say do what you want Liane and don't ever let the fear of judgement worry you out of doing something or regret it, because who actually cares? As you said, you're happy and a lovely person!

    You can read some of my content on www.ellemacuk.com

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Thanks for reading!
Please leave a comment as I'd love to know what you think!!

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